How mermaids and bad sentence structure sells

I've decided to make the transition from journalist to author. To prepare for this, I've gone on a drinking binge in an attemt to forget everything I know about transitions, word choice and sentence structure (admittedly that should be easy for me).

I've chosen instead, to work on my story telling as opposed to basic writing skills. After viewing recent shifts in popular fiction, this should pay off in the hundreds of millions category.

What's sparked this ingenious idea? The fact that the announcement of another sub-par book by Dan Brown, "Lost Symbol," has set the Web ablaze with excitement is enough proof that people don't want a good book; they want a good story.

Brown made a career for himself selling poorly written "thrillers" to people who think making it through this week's People is an accomplishment.

His books are filled with unnecessary information and the simplistic style of a grade-school book report that is pure genius. not in the writing sense, but the business sense.

He dumbs down his books so well that even the most average reader can breeze through the pages. This, in turn makes the reader believe they are enjoying the book because they are reading it so fast.

Easy reading is only half of Brown's master plan, the other half involves his subject matter.

Brown uses a couple watered-down references to complex theories and a jab at religion for controversy. If Harry Potter has taught me anything, there's no better way to publicize your work than get religious leaders to speak out against them.

But Brown isn't the only top-selling mastermind I'll base my career off of, especially since the latter has outsold him and many others.

The ultra-popular Stephanie Meyer with her diary, I mean "Twilight" easily wins the dubious title of talentless fiction star. Meyer has managed to translate the fantasy she created while being ignored by her classmates as a teenager into a widely popular series about vampires and an over-romanticized love that even trashy romance novels won't touch because they have too much self-respect for their readers.

I think Stephen King said it best when he tried to describe Meyer.

"Both Rowling and Meyer, they're speaking directly to young people. The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephanie Meyer can't write worth a darn." King said.

Based off my two fiction mentors, my book will be about a boys struggles as a young teenager trying to fit in with a society he feels alienated from.

One day by the pool, he stumbles upon the swim team, who are actually mermaids and falls in love with the moodiest one.

The mermaids have a map to Atlantis and he must unravel the secret of the lost city all while becoming a merman.

I'll write my follow-up on my new private jet.