Palin's Failin' Puts Nail in McCain Campaign

A long time ago, in a land far away, in the year 2000, John McCain was a die-hard maverick, a staunch defender of voter rights, the slayer of corporate lobbyists and demolisher of greedy, capitalist campaigns­ - an odd stance for a Republican presidential hopeful.

Obviously, that didn't work out too well for Johnny Mac and now, much older and a bit wiser, he has come back as the model Republican candidate, with a stable full of lobbyists managing his campaign, a donation list filled with corporate influence and a cute little country personality called Sarah Palin. Palin, who from her first rousing speech at the Republican National Convention, has now fully and completely caved into a stuttering and unknowledgeable girl from the woods.

We've had that type before Mr. McCain, it went by the name of George Bush and it really didn't work out too well for us. But Palin wasn't brought on to identify with the Republican base; her job is to attract disenfranchised female voters from the Democratic party, still yearning for Hillary Clinton's chance to shine.

This however, doesn't seem to be working out too well for the McCain campaign, for many reasons, including the fact that Obama now leads by 14 percent among women in tracking polls, but mostly because Palin is not Clinton. She is not a powerful and dynamic public speaker, she has no stance on any matter of policy and she has no experience on the national stage.

She does share one important quality with Clinton though, catty and sharp tongued attacks, which worked so well for the former first lady, well no they didn't.

Palin has proven to be little more than a joke over the past few weeks, as the McCain camp has tried to package her as a maverick who never earmarked a bill in her life and who never once asked for that $400 million bridge to nowhere, to connect 50 some-odd people to the mainland of Alaska. Oh wait, she was an earmarking machine during her mere two years in office and she definitely wanted that bridge, it would have looked so lovely draped across the Tongass Narrows.

Whatever her past, McCain's team has certainly made Palin into a lovely little caricature and they have definitely made it easier to start painting Obama's name on the door to the oval office. Until last week, Palin couldn't competently regurgitate McCain's stump stances from a note card to Katie Couric. It's rough when a Tina Fey skit doesn't even modify a response from the Couric interview to get a cheap laugh on Saturday Night Live.

But semi-seriously, Palin really held her own during the Vice Presidential Debate, as Joe Biden brought tears to the audience with the story of losing his first wife and daughter, and proved that he was the answer to all of Obama's foreign policy needs. Palin finally showed that she could read and her personality was positively shining, with cute little '50s catch phrases like "Say it ain't so Joe," and "Gee golly!"

We've already had a president who was this easy to make fun of Mrs. Palin; we've already gone through eight years of a leader who doesn't really know much and who spins clever country antics instead of turning a phrase.

If John McCain should win, someone save me; if he should die, God help us all.