2008 Woodie Awards
A Fall To Remember
Nicole Curtis
Issue date: 9/27/06 Section: Opinion
As I was tumbling to my death last Tuesday, I had to sort of wonder why the hell fate had me fall down stairs. As I fell to the pavement on that bright Tuesday morning two wonderful, magical things popped into my head. 1) Oh shit! and 2) My feet are
broken.
A Good Samaritan saw me take the fall and stopped for a whole 20 seconds to make sure I was okay. I, of course, lied in my haste and embarrassment. I also walked to my car. I knew something was really wrong when I couldn't step on the brake without breaking into tears of sheer pain.
Let's just talk about the inconvenience of injury first of all. There's always that part where you are in so much pain you actually feel like you're going to throw up
whatever part of you is injured, this time it was both of my ankles and my right foot. I literally envisioned vomiting up my aching, pulsating limbs. At the time, I compared it to giving birth out of my feet.
Lucky for me, I had to go to the emergency room, which I happen to hate. It has this way of making me believe that I am faking my wounds. This is due mostly because a lot of people there in the middle of the day are attention whores who bumped their heads. But when I tried to walk to the X-ray room I was reminded of my extreme pain.
Not only did I sprain both my ankles but I had this great thing George Clooney called a contusion. Of the three times that I have been in the emergency room and been aware of George Clooney's existence on this earth as
actor/doctor I have hoped that he would tend to me. He was not there.
I was supposed to be on crutches for a week and they are a pain in the ass. They made me feel like I was 500 pounds. I couldn't go more than 15 paces before being out of breath. The worst part about them is they are the sperm to the egg of the really annoying question, "What happened to you?"
Now I know most people who ask are genuinely concerned. They really want to know why a
perfectly mobile person yesterday is handicapped today but there's only so much of that a person can take. After a while you just want to lie about what happened or say in a tone rich with sarcasm, "nothing."
In case you were curious I am better. It sucks to drive and sucks to walk. But it sucks much less than it did last Tuesday.
broken.
A Good Samaritan saw me take the fall and stopped for a whole 20 seconds to make sure I was okay. I, of course, lied in my haste and embarrassment. I also walked to my car. I knew something was really wrong when I couldn't step on the brake without breaking into tears of sheer pain.
Let's just talk about the inconvenience of injury first of all. There's always that part where you are in so much pain you actually feel like you're going to throw up
whatever part of you is injured, this time it was both of my ankles and my right foot. I literally envisioned vomiting up my aching, pulsating limbs. At the time, I compared it to giving birth out of my feet.
Lucky for me, I had to go to the emergency room, which I happen to hate. It has this way of making me believe that I am faking my wounds. This is due mostly because a lot of people there in the middle of the day are attention whores who bumped their heads. But when I tried to walk to the X-ray room I was reminded of my extreme pain.
Not only did I sprain both my ankles but I had this great thing George Clooney called a contusion. Of the three times that I have been in the emergency room and been aware of George Clooney's existence on this earth as
actor/doctor I have hoped that he would tend to me. He was not there.
I was supposed to be on crutches for a week and they are a pain in the ass. They made me feel like I was 500 pounds. I couldn't go more than 15 paces before being out of breath. The worst part about them is they are the sperm to the egg of the really annoying question, "What happened to you?"
Now I know most people who ask are genuinely concerned. They really want to know why a
perfectly mobile person yesterday is handicapped today but there's only so much of that a person can take. After a while you just want to lie about what happened or say in a tone rich with sarcasm, "nothing."
In case you were curious I am better. It sucks to drive and sucks to walk. But it sucks much less than it did last Tuesday.
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