2008 Woodie Awards
The Devil Wears Hair Gel
HDTV Positive
Julia Corral
Issue date: 10/10/07 Section: Entertainment
It's hard for me to believe that one can sell their soul to the devil.
However, my faith in my Sunday school lessons and my affinity for C.S. Lewis has made it apparent that spiritual warfare does exist.
Now more than ever, truth has unveiled itself before me. Her name is Tara Connor. The former Miss USA who believes she will go down in history as the "one" who went to rehab. When in actuality she will be the one who sold her soul and the dignity of pageants for a reality show, "Pageant Place," and an extra seven minutes of fame.
I'm not saying that Donald Trump is the awaited Anti-Christ. No, he doesn't deserve to hold that title. The Anti-Christ is alluded to in scripture as being a man who exudes so much charisma that he wins over the world.
The jury is still out on Trump, but I doubt that a comb-over could win over anyone.
Plus, I think Satan is still trying to recover from the pitchfork and soul patch catastrophe of the Renaissance.
I would say that "the Donald" is his minion and Connor might be his Judas.
The beauty pageant industry has lasted through stage moms, Vaseline teeth products and the parade wave.
After a year of rehab, nude pictures and irreverent stuttering about map locations, the once beautiful image of pageant queens has faded. Pageants made the Barbie come to life. Miss America, Miss USA, Miss Universe, Miss Teen USA and even Drag Queens are a way for the public to still have hope in the dying form of self-imposing female misogyny.
It was still empowering even though it was a million light years away from the beliefs of militant-feminists. But who wouldn't want Miss California to bring home the title?
As a teenager even I competed for Miss La Habra. A title that is synonymous with pregnancy and meth experimentation. But none of these consequences matter when there is a $26.95 plastic crown involved.
We know that our beauty queens are train wrecks, but we choose to look past that. Life can't be bad for a little girl with big bright horse teeth and no celluloid in sight.
However, my faith in my Sunday school lessons and my affinity for C.S. Lewis has made it apparent that spiritual warfare does exist.
Now more than ever, truth has unveiled itself before me. Her name is Tara Connor. The former Miss USA who believes she will go down in history as the "one" who went to rehab. When in actuality she will be the one who sold her soul and the dignity of pageants for a reality show, "Pageant Place," and an extra seven minutes of fame.
I'm not saying that Donald Trump is the awaited Anti-Christ. No, he doesn't deserve to hold that title. The Anti-Christ is alluded to in scripture as being a man who exudes so much charisma that he wins over the world.
The jury is still out on Trump, but I doubt that a comb-over could win over anyone.
Plus, I think Satan is still trying to recover from the pitchfork and soul patch catastrophe of the Renaissance.
I would say that "the Donald" is his minion and Connor might be his Judas.
The beauty pageant industry has lasted through stage moms, Vaseline teeth products and the parade wave.
After a year of rehab, nude pictures and irreverent stuttering about map locations, the once beautiful image of pageant queens has faded. Pageants made the Barbie come to life. Miss America, Miss USA, Miss Universe, Miss Teen USA and even Drag Queens are a way for the public to still have hope in the dying form of self-imposing female misogyny.
It was still empowering even though it was a million light years away from the beliefs of militant-feminists. But who wouldn't want Miss California to bring home the title?
As a teenager even I competed for Miss La Habra. A title that is synonymous with pregnancy and meth experimentation. But none of these consequences matter when there is a $26.95 plastic crown involved.
We know that our beauty queens are train wrecks, but we choose to look past that. Life can't be bad for a little girl with big bright horse teeth and no celluloid in sight.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
PMcGrath
posted 10/11/07 @ 8:33 AM PST
Celluliod? Really?
That's where I stopped reading.
Nice try though for a wannabe reporter.
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